I thought about my Halloween Pumpkin today. I had such grand plans for it. But when the time came to carve it, I found it was already dead. On the inside. It was so sad. I tried to pick it up, and it literally deflated between my palms. :-( Why, Pumpkin? WHY??
Speaking of "why"...why is the intro to "Three and a Half Men" so bizarre? Maybe "bizarre" isn't the best word for it. I think "Stupid" is the more appropriate term. But, who cares...because AQUA TEEN HUNGER FORCE IS ON! Hooray!
I should go to bed. Terence is working late tonight. I'm not sleepy.
So, I've taken several conscious steps to reduce stress in my life, to get control of my schedule (and thus, my time), to work out more, to eat better, to read more....and what is my reward? Numbness, and pins and needles, from the waist down. Do my drugs not work? What's going on?? I'm amazed how all these "flares" since June are literally running a relay race. I'm scared that this means my MS is progressing away from Relapsing/Remitting. Not good.
This week's "House" episode couldn't be more relevant. They are discussing how MS lesions in the temporal lobe can cause strange experiences, changes in mood and personality. Great. Super. And how come nobody ever told me about Marberg's MS? Fatal in a matter of days? Obviously since I'm still alive, I am assuming that's not what I have. But that doesn't mean it's cool to find out about the existence of such a gnarly form of MS, from a TV SHOW! Hrmph.
I just found another person's MS oriented blog. She has written a very clear entry about what MS is, and what it can do. I'm always looking for better ways to describe this nutso disease, so I'm going to copy and paste it here. The way she has categorized the possible symptoms....it's clear that what is happening to me is "normal." Which leads me to believe that there is no overwhelming reason to go to the doctor every time I notice something from this list. No medical professional has ever addressed my memory issues, or the fact that I can't reasonably solve problems sometimes.
It's sometimes hard to stay focused on "being positive". It becomes a matter of endurance. No choice but to try harder, I suppose! It's Thanksgiving Week, and there really is so much to be grateful for. Everywhere around me. My amazing husband, my amazing friends, my amazing family, my amazing pets.
A turkey was purchased today! We are one day closer to the epic meal! (As Lauren pointed out today - It's probably best that I don't agree to steroid infusion before Thursday, or the insatiable hunger that follows would cause me to eat at least 9 lbs of that 16lb bird)
Not to purposely revisit the symptom issues...but I honestly can't recall if I cancelled lessons this week. And that SUCKS, because if I call and ask, and DID already cancel the lessons, I just sound stupid. Frustrating. I feel like I can't even trust what I've written down in my calendar.
The woman's blog that I found today, can be found at http://mis0673.blogspot.com/ and I pasted part of her entry on various symptoms below.
(from Melissa's blog)
The most logical place to start this series of awareness week posts is with some basic information. Multiple Sclerosis is believed to be an auto immune disease in which our immune system mistakes proteins within the myelin sheath around the brain and spinal cord as an invader to be killed, causing lesions and subsequent scarring where the attacks occur. To better explain the role of myelin, here is a favorite analogy of mine: Picture a plastic coated power cord, now scratch off some of the plastic. It may spark, it may work sometimes but not others, eventually once that exposed wiring rusts it stops working altogether. Now picture that coating is the protective layer of your brain, and your brain is the copper wiring. That is essentially what happens with Multiple Sclerosis.
Once the myelin is worn away, the brain's signals to the body don't work correctly. Because of this, virtually any and every part of your body could potentially be effected by the disease. Here are a list of some of the more common symptoms of MS:
- Loss of balance
- Muscle spasms
- Numbness or abnormal sensation in any area
- Problems moving arms or legs
- Problems walking
- Problems with coordination and making small movements
- Tremor in one or more arms or legs
- Weakness in one or more arms or legs
- Constipation and stool leakage
- Difficulty beginning to urinate
- Frequent need to urinate
- Strong urge to urinate
- Urine leakage (incontinence)
- Double vision
- Eye discomfort
- Uncontrollable rapid eye movements
- Vision loss (usually affects one eye at a time)
- Facial pain
- Nerve pain
- Painful muscle spasms
- Tingling, crawling, or burning feeling in the arms and legs
- Decreased attention span, poor judgment, and memory loss
- Difficulty reasoning and solving problems
- Depression or feelings of sadness
- Dizziness and balance problems
- Hearing loss
- Problems with erections
- Problems with vaginal lubrication
- Slurred or difficult-to-understand speech
- Trouble chewing and swallowing