I do. I'm a moron. (And no, I don't need anyone to chime in and back me up on that.) If I could just learn to read...
I went to PetSmart today. Why? Because I thought the Banfield Fundraiser was today. When I went back and checked the email from my friend, it was right there, clearly stated: SUNDAY. Apparently my subconscious deemed that to be a lie. Or, maybe it was just wishful thinking, since I didn't have anything on the agenda today? I still plan on going tomorrow, but seriously...would have been nice to have saved a trip. I felt like an idiot, because I convinced my friend April to come with me and Amelia, while her dog was being neutered. Oh well, it was still a productive trip. Amelia is very happy with her new stuffing-less fuzzy fox toy. She is LESS happy with her new "Gentle Leader" muzzle collar...but she's been pulling forward a lot lately, so this will hopefully help her walk better in public!
And now, some more medical madness brought to you by Hypochondriac Ann. (that's me, in case you hadn't noticed.) It's always something. Still don't have my voice back. It's not noticable when I speak, but I can't sing a clean note above a C. Had to turn down a gig at the Consulate yesterday, which was very sad for me. I am nervous that it's serious, because of all the horror stories I've heard about nodes on the cords...but have an appointment this coming Thursday to get it checked out. I'm trying to stay relatively calm, at least till then. I am wondering if MS can affect the voice. I haven't heard of any cases, but since MS is the stripping of the myelin around the nerves in the brain, and the brain is in charge of well, EVERYTHING...then there is no reason why the vocal cords would be immune to the same type of destruction that can affect memory, eyes, legs, skin...I'm still convinced that the itching was MS acting up, triggered by stress. It has now translated into almost complete numbness on the right side of my face. I am constantly checking that my facial muscles on that side still work, and they seem to. I just can't feel anything touching me on that side. It's a very odd...feeling? Lack thereof, rather. When I smile I feel like I'm only smiling on the left. When I apply eyeliner, it's kind of a crap shoot, because I can't feel what I'm doing anymore.
It may be more than just my face. My arm feels a bit strange too. And when I work out, my foot falls asleep completely after a few minutes.
I just want my medicine. I can't afford it. Having the meds would make me feel like I'm DOING something to prevent symptoms from becoming debilitating. I am scared. Not panicking, but scared. I become nervous that the wedding will be affected. Sounds a bit shallow, doesn't it...I know it's impossible to predict MS episodes, but I just hope that it will decide to leave me alone on my wedding day. The last thing I want to think about on that day, is MS. I know it's a part of our lives, just like anything else, and will be forever...but I want to FEEL that first kiss on my lips as husband and wife! (Although I guess if it's just the left side....that's still better than nothing!)
OK, gotta pull myself together. Enough whining for today. Hey, at least I don't work at Nordstrom anymore!
Tomorrow is TOBY day! We are babysitting Lauren and Travis' little weeeeenie pup for 10 days! I can't wait! Amelia is going to be so excited! The cats probably won't be as thrilled.... but they'll live.