Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Esophageal Incineration

My laptop is overheating. Perhaps it is just THAT excited to be the chosen vehicle to deliver yet another consecutive blog entry to a hungry (an humor starved) world? Either way, I better make this quick, or I'll have third degree burns on my thighs.

Lots of things got checked off the to-do list today. Granted, lots of things were also ADDED, but all in all, I think I came out ahead. I emailed 75% of the people I set out to email. Not bad! Terence and I have insured our motor vehicles in the state of MA. Progress! I cancelled my United Airlines flight. HUGE.

I should tell you a bit about how that last phone call went. I tried everything I could to avoid having to actually CALL, since every phone call to date has been an exercise in futility. From the moment the internet message popped up on my screen telling me that "award point reservations can only be changed by calling 1-888-blablabla....", I prepared myself for the worst. I felt like I had taken a crabby pill...fast-acting.

The United Airlines phone system is very sensitive. The automatic man that was reciting the menu options kept mistaking my earring hitting the phone for a REPLY. At one point I made the mistake of closing a door. United Airlines Automated Man thought I was giving him my last name. I hung up and started over a grand total of three times, until I had finally removed all noise-making jewelry, locked myself in the silent guest room, and laid any relevant papers containing account numbers etc, flat on the table in front of me. (I had laid them side by side to eliminate the need for any "shuffling of papers" that would doubtlessly be perceived as "an attempt to reach a live person." God forbid.)

After I had (with painstaking clarity) recited my full name, confirmation code, and answered "yes" and "no" to some random questions, I was actually connected to....Patty! And...she cancelled my reservation! She told me I could use the points at a later date, within a year. She did NOT mention a fee of any kind. I didn't want to ruin the moment, by letting on how shocked I was, or how I felt like maybe there was some mistake.... She gave me a long string of numbers "for reference", and wished me a good night. I have a nagging suspicion that I'll never see my 29000 airline points again, but good riddance! I was happy enough that I was able to understand the woman!

The laptop has now reached an external temperature of 763 degrees, and my jeans are charred. But speaking of hot things...Terence tried his Christmas present tonight: Dave's Insanity Hot Sauce. I've never seen the man cry until tonight. I got him a glass of milk. For the next two hours, he had a considerable fever, and kept complaining that his esophagus was being incinerated. It was all very, very interesting (and emotional?) dinner!

And now...a white russian for my face. And ice packs for my lap.

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