Monday, January 3, 2011

Introducing ..."Slammy McJerkerton"

Well, today wasn't nearly as productive as I had hoped. It's been a "throw-money-away" kind of day. I returned the rental car that I ended up NOT using this past weekend. Then in a fumbled attempt at changing a reservation on Virgin America I ended up having to pay cancellation fees, on what was originally a FREE flight, with award points. Which reminds me, I still have to cancel the United flight that I have booked for this month. I keep moving it, cause I don't WANT to fly United. And still, I don't want to lose the free reward miles. Ugh! Crap-tastic.

The rest of the day was spent teaching, and investigating car insurance. It's down to the wire now, because my CA registration expires in like...4 seconds. So before those 4 seconds are up we need to get MA insurance, and get some kind of inspection. (How about granting me a "I-just-paid-$3000-for-repairs-so-this-car-sure-as-hell-better-pass-inspection" certificate waiver?) And then register. Before the 12th of January. Sigh.

And order to renew my Swedish Passport, I apparently have to either go to New York, or Washington, or person. I guess I should be thankful I'm at least on the East Coast now. It would be extra-annoying to have to make that trip from the West Coast. I also noticed that it's $260 to renew in the United States. However, if I throw down money for an airline ticket to SWEDEN...then it will only cost me $40. Makes no sense. Oh, and before I can do any of that...I have to apply to have my name changed with the Swedish Government Census department.

I still haven't changed my last name with the US Social Security Administration. Not unlike the United flight, I keep putting it off due to low priority/interest. I just know when I finally do make that call, I will either be pummled with a billion forms to fill out...OR, in the case of calling United Airlines, I will be stuck in an incomprehensible mumbo-jumbologue where the thickest Indian accent in the world will repeat over and over the phrase "Sorrynotpossible", in response to any and all questions/statements/requests I have.

Let's see what else I haven't done...I haven't taken my final exam from NDNU! Truth is, I can't find the study guide. Second time it's dissappeared here, somewhere in this house. It's been YEARS since graduation, and I keep meaning to get it done, but honestly - real life has started, and between being sick, and teaching 38 students, and getting married, and moving across the country...let's be serious. If I can't even find the time to call United Airlines, how am I supposed to find time to study for a 3 hour exam?? Plus, I am of the underlying opinion that because the exam was not MENTIONED at the time of graduation...why should I be punished? Not MY fault, right??

I am sore from working out at the gym yesterday. Which means I should go back. Maybe I should try for a mid-day visit tomorrow. There is this HUGE shit-tumbler of a guy who seems to always be there when I'm there. I seriously do NOT like him, and I want him to go away. He doesn't even wear work-out clothes. He wears black pants with a million useless pockets, a disgusting, dirty, off-white tank top, with straps so small that they practically dissappear between his bulging, steroidal muscles. It's so gross. And WHY does he have a flannel long sleeved button-up shirt tied around his waist? And that's just his OUTFIT.

His behavior makes me angry. Here we are, in a large spacious, three story gym. Everyone is working out. And what is he doing? He is on the same machine every time, with the pull-down bar. He has it set to a trillion bagillion pounds, because even with his roid-lumpy arms, he sometimes only does one or two pulls, before grunting, and letting the weight SLAM. Very disruptive and stupid. That's not even the strangest part. The strangest part is that he then will jump up and quickly walk in a little semi-circle to the left, and come back and do it again.

Actually, I take that back. The strangest thing is NOT his little fantic post-slam's his HAIR. It's very black, parted down the center, comes down to right below his ears, and looks rigid from too much SOMETHING (dirt? gel? mayonnaise? a combination of all three?). THAT is the strangest part. A giant meatball wearing clothes from a "21 Jump Street" garage sale, making lots of terrible gym-noises...with that gross hair. And just to confirm that I am not a MEAN person...I would probably not be so critical of his fashion and hair style if he weren't complete devoid of gym etiquette. If he keeps showing up with his army of testosterone, I might have to start a new blog, exclusively for this guy.

Little Man has still not pooped out any major plastic particles, which worries me. He seems ok, but I am still unable to relax about the whole thing.

Why is it so hard for me to drink WATER? Does anyone else have this problem? It's good for me, and I should drink LOTS of water. And what should I call this blog post? What will grab your attention?


  1. You may not be a MEAN person, but I think that you would be less critical of this man's hair and attire (or anything or anyone else for that matter) if you spent more time loving and improving yourself.

    "Time invested in improving ourselves cuts down on time wasted in disapproving of others."
    – Unknown

  2. Why do you think I am at the gym in the first place, if not for self-improvement? And hey - it kinda sounds like YOU are being critical of me and the percieved lack of love I have for myself!? I sense some intolerance for other people's intolerance?

    The truth is, I am not really THAT critical of gym guy's hair or clothes, but I AM upset that he is ruining the gym experience for everyone else. So I exaggerate it in my blog, rather than reporting to the front desk that this man makes many of us very uncomfortable. In fact, he could wear whatever he wanted and it wouldn't bother me, were he not so disruptive. Perhaps you don't see it, but this is my way of saying "to each his own."

    Now, enough about the man. He and I may be friends by the end of the month, who knows. But how about United Airlines? Is there anyway to love and improve myself, while still being extremely critical of them?

    Happy New Year, my Anonymous friend!

    "Nothing is more curious than the almost savage hostility that humor excites in those who lack it." ~George Saintsbury

  3. Ann is hilarious and does not need to "spend more time loving and improving" herself. If you don't like what you're reading then read something else, douche magouche!



  4. Okay, maybe Ann doesn't need to spend any time improving herself, but she should just keep on keepin' on LOVIN' herself!!! -r

  5. Wait a darn sec -- what exam from NDNU?!?! Didn't we graduate in the same year? Pleeeeease tell me I'm not missing something.... oh, that would suck huge. :-(

    And ditto to "r" and "Mar"; anonymous is defs no bueno! ;-)