Sunday, August 14, 2011


The past two months have made me seriously think abot what is, and what isn' I should maybe grab a giant piece of cake to help me make the final decision, now that I'm sitting here staring at the little blog-box.
That was good cake. My best gluten-free creation so far. It was the Volcano Cake that I made on Friday for the "Iceland Sucks Party". That party was a lot of fun. I decided to throw this party, because I was drowning in hatred for Iceland Air. And when you're drowning in hatred, you need to come up for air. This party was my oxygen. Iceland Air WILL be dealt with, but I've gotta have a clear head to do so effectively. Nothing like Blue Lagoon vodka shots, some Bjork tunes, and a volcano chocolate cake, to remind us that sometimes you just need to make fun of what it is that's bothering you. (Maybe not always PUBLICLY, but in this case, I felt it was OK!)
It's hard to know how to organize this post, considering how eventful and dramatic the past two months have been. I'll just jump right in, and see what happens. I'm sure at some point I'll get totally distracted, and write about whatever comes to THE most disgusting flavor combination HAS to be smoked salmon + cranberry juice. I guess I should have been able to predict how gross it would be, but I wasn't thinking. But now I know. Don't make the same mistake I did.
I had an incredible Swedish wedding back in July. It was simply perfect- the wedding of my dreams unfolded on a beautiful summer day, surrounded by a lot of amazing people who have known me all my life. All the things I love about tradition, came together to make the day flawless. It was stress free, and lovely from beginning to end!
A few days after the wedding, I woke up in our hotel in Gothemburg vomiting uncontrolably... and realized I couldn't stand up because the room was spinning in circles. I literally didn't know what was up and what was down, or what the hell was happening to me. It didn't feel quite like an MS exacerbation, and I was certainly not drunk....the feeling was indescribable. Sounds stupid...but I thought for sure- "this is the end". I wish I could write that without it seeming like a silly exaggeration...but I figured I had a brain aneurysm, or a was the worst thing I have ever experienced. Acute vestibular neuritis. How very, very, very random.
The weeks that followed I had to learn how to walk again. I finally stopped vomiting a thousand times a day, at which point I was able to slowly begin sleeping horizontally again. I'd literally been sleeping sitting up, because when I'd lay down, the vertigo would take over, and the puking would start again. I think I was actually afraid of sleeping for a while, because of that intial way I woke up at the onset. I don't ever want to wake up that way again.
The whole "learning to walk again" thing, was not super-fun. On one of the first walks I was able to take outside with the dog...she freaked out and got startled by something. It all happened so fast, but she consequently dragged me into the street, in traffic. I fell forward right in front of a car. The man slammed on his brakes as I lay there, covering Amelia with my body...he managed to stop a couple of feet before running us over. We are incredibly lucky, because that could have ended very badly. There was blood and scratches, and I think my elbow is either severely bruised or hairline fractured, but....we are both still here!
Without going into detailed experiences at this time-I have learned some important lessons this summer. The most important one is: It is OK to remove yourself from a situation. It does NOT always mean you're "giving up", or "accepting defeat." It means you are picking which battles are going to ultimately contribute to your growth as a person, and which battles are going to land you in the hospital. There are things in life are simply not worth absorbing, at least not for any extended period of time. Unfortunately it took a summer session at the Vestibular Neuritis Academy to realize how profound the effect of negative stress can be. So, whether this means turning a deaf ear to people who are hurtful/negative/mean, or quitting a job where the thought of going to work nauseates you, or even something as simple as taking a breather when the negativity becomes overwhelming...this is important. And at this point in my life, I feel entitled to be giving this type of advice. I think I am turning the corner from "WHY is this HAPPENING", to "This has to stop happening." And let me tell you, the difference is enormous.
And this is the point where I insert a random, distraction induced musing. Why do people have super tiny fences in their front yards? Like, around their mailboxes. Are they designed to keep something out? Or in? Because they look ridiculous, and can't possibly serve a purpose.
I'm going to the doctor tomorrow. I have a lot to tell her, haha! I stopped my MS medication, my blood pressure medication, and everything else, when things came to a screeching halt about a month ago. I was prescribed a ton of anti-nausea and vertigo pills, as well as 50mg of prednisolone a day, and just felt like it was all....too much. I've had a nagging suspicion that Copaxone hasn't been working for me anyway, but I gotta figure out what to do next. I certainly haven't missed the daily injections, but I do worry about what the future holds, should I NOT find a functional medication. Gluten-free diet has made a different, of course, but more in terms of energy and general wellness...I don't know about disease progression.
They are about to announce the Next Food Network Star. I think it's dreadful how the network has brought in all the eliminated contestants to judge the last two finalists. That bitch Penny doesn't like women, so obviously she will be unfair in her judging. It irks me that she gets so much airtime, just 'cause she is difficult. But that's life. The annoying people will often get more "airtime". It's awesome though, that the two finalists ARE actually nice people. PS. Giadia's dress is hideous. PPS. Jeff just won. The "Sandwich King". I like him, but hate Sandwiches.
That leads me to the concept of ...HUMILITY. I've been wanting to write about humility for a long time now. It's already 10pm, and I have so much to say about this...I better save it for another day. That, and Amelia's dental appointments, her experience in Sweden, and how she hates all the small dogs that live in our complex. And the fact that my hair is now "eggplant" in color. (not a bad thing!) And our upcoming MAINE VACATION! And Swedish Sunsets...And, some fascinating, indepth analysis of human behavior. Hee hee. With awesome case studies. Watch out!